As a deeply secular, liberal and progressive person, you can imagine how I have felt about this country since 2014. Sure, the BJP won the 2014 elections, but that was because of all those Hindi speaking states. Okay, Gujarat and Maharashtra may not be Hindi speaking states, but close enough. What about Karnataka? There is always an exception somewhere to every rule. Just like the first past the post electoral system. It was good for sixty years. Suddenly in 2014, it was the worst.
But I have struggled to explain things that have happened after the 2014 election. First, the BJP swept all the states in the north east. And now, the BJP has momentum on its side in states like Odisha and Telangana. The BJP is now polling a solid 15 percent of the vote in Kerala and gaining ground in Puducherry. And then, there is Bengal.
Oh man, this hurts. Et tu, Bengal? All those decades we leftists spent in Delhi and New York glorifying the poverty of Calcutta and this is how you repay us? According to the 2011 census, Bengal had the highest number of beggars per lakh of population. I thought we were friends. You beg on the street. I take a photo of you begging and then go beg for an award at a film festival in Paris or Berlin. Our left wing economists go to America to beg for Nobel Prizes. We are all in this together.
I was confused. According to my well accepted scholarly theories, the BJP was a party of Hindi speaking vegetarians. No, wait! Make that party of upper caste, Hindi speaking, vegetarian, cisgender, able-bodied males. Then how would I explain the BJP’s massive gains all over the north east, Bengal, Odisha, Telangana, Karnataka and now even Kerala or Puducherry?
They say that when in doubt, read more. And that’s what I did. So I began reading up the works of everyone who already agrees with me. I pored over pages of the New York Times, the Washington Post and scanned articles by some beloved Indian journalists who were present at my last award ceremony. Surely I was not the only one suffering from post-2014 stress disorder.
Some patterns began to emerge. Like ‘undeclared emergency.’ Even if I can’t see it, I can believe that it exists. This continued for a while, until I chanced upon a report by the famous V-Dem institute based in Sweden. They have concluded that India is now an ‘electoral autocracy.’
That’s when I had my epiphany. When confronted with evidence that contradicts my assumptions, I don’t have to reject my assumptions. I can pretend that both are true at the same time.
How? By simply juxtaposing the labels. For example, if I were to say that India is currently under a state of emergency, I could get contradicted on facts. But if I admitted that India is not under emergency, it would contradict my beliefs. But what if I said ‘undeclared emergency’? Then, I don’t have to reject the facts nor do I have to reject my beliefs. I can keep them both. Because undeclared emergency does not actually mean anything, I win.
Similarly, if I say that India is an autocracy, nobody would believe me. After all, which autocratic country would allow protesters to occupy a highway and literally build pucca houses on it? But if I admitted otherwise, it would hurt my feelings. So how about I say ‘elected autocracy’? Because nobody knows what that means, they have to accept my version of the story.
Like ’eminent citizen.’ If I told someone that they are not a citizen, they would feel insulted. On the other hand, if I admitted that I am equal to other people, I would feel insulted. That is why I have always called myself an eminent citizen. As with so many other things, the Communists figured it out first. Think ‘People’s Republic.’ I choose a label I want and then I add a qualifier which nobody understands. Now, it can mean anything that I want it to mean.
Armed with these revelations, I had my solution. Everyone who votes for BJP is upper caste, Hindi speaking, vegetarian, cisgender and able-bodied male. Even the females (I get bonus woke points for realizing this). What about the Bengalis who are voting for BJP? They are simply ‘Bengali Hindi-speakers.’ And what of the BJP voting Bengalis who love their fish and meat? No problem. They are ‘meat-eating vegetarians.’
Problem solved. Article in The Washington Post coming soon…
dynastycrooks 
As an even more deeply secular, liberal and progressive person, I share your concern.Damn Indians are not behaving according to our “well accepted scholarly theories”. And worse, damn Indians are not bowing down to the advice and opinions of NYT and WaPo writers who know what is good for them. Instead they are listening to some local politicians. What is happening to India ?
“Undeclared emergency” has been declared on May 26,2014. Before only Saurav Da used to declare in test matches after Sehwag, Dravid, Tendulkar and Laxman bashed up the opposition bowlers. Now BJP is bashing up opposition parties in elections and making their scorecard look very sorry. Have you seen the poor NDTV chaps on election day ? Unimaginable sorrow must be going through their minds on every election day. These events have resulted in a healthy depression in all liberal media. Is this the real meaning of freedom ?
India has indeed become an “elected autocracy”. Nowadays only PM going in PM plane. Nowadays only real workers getting Padma awards. Nowadays, we are not getting any Lutyens Bungalows for propounding all our “well accepted scholarly theories”. Even scholar like Amartya Sen, Raghuram Rajan and Abhijeet Banerjee are not getting due respect. These global and Nobel bhadralok are getting treated like comrade worker. Did they go abroad to get treated like comrade worker ?
As one of the very eminent citizens, I have been hurt the most. Before I had an NGO that provided employment to hundreds of JNU graduates. They just hold some placards and shout some slogans. Maybe now and then we got a large order to do peaceful protest by burning public property and throwing stones at police. Nowadays, no large order coming our way. What will happen to Indian economy if no large order ? The other day I was talking to JNU chokras. They were telling – What will happen to our future chacha ? How I can tell about future meltdown to them ? Tears rolled down my eyes.
Nobody in India understands our plight, only deeply secular, liberal and progressive person in USA and Europe are understanding. Freedom House and V-Dem told no democracy in India. But no Indians listening to even them. It is one thing to no listen to desi liberal but to not listen to global liberal ? They even put our name as co-author. But Indians just doing fun of them and disrespecting even them. If white skin not given respect, what will be given respect ?
I could go on and on. But just got phone call to go and shout some azaadi slogans. Getting small order after long time. Will call you after I am back.
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Kannan Da, you generously covered entire cake of CW with so much of ICE – i.e., fiberally iced the cake – so tasty – Thanks
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They are impossible, chaiwala and kofiwala ( Kannan, when he works in tandem with chaiwala), the duo more shocker than May 26, 2014, some times. Now you can endure 2014 & 2019 but these daily liberals conditions are impossible to be tolerated. I am going to NYT and WAPO to write about conditions of poor liberals in autocratic India.
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Ha Ha – Kofiwala is a nice name, reminded me of Kofi Annan so I can be Kofi Kannan. Kofi Annan got a Nobel peace price, so I asked my Buwa whether I can get one. She said – Beta aim high but not so high. Aim for Lutyens bungalow and Padma award first, maybe for Harvard professor post. I said okay.
Just came back from chanting Azaadi slogan. Chokras were asking – why are we shouting Azaadi slogans. I told them who knows, Videsh se order milta hai so we shout. Another told – How long we just keep shouting for Azaadi. I told – till we keep getting currency.
More ambitious chokra asked like you – When can I write article for NYT and WaPo. I told him – there are many andolan jeevis in Videsh than India and they have to first eat from liberal thali, afterwards any crumbs are left, we can lick. He said Yech, I told him dont make ugly noise and learn to swallow both crumbs and your self respect if you want glorious liberal career.
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hahaha…Thoroughly enjoyed this flavor of your article.
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Pretty funny, yet thought-provoking. Enjoyed it very much. Our so-called Secular Leftists are confused that they have started increasing their criticism of this government more and more and at the same time calling this government autocratic, intolerant, etc., but our voters keep voting for this government. Do these voters not believe us or they like autocratic, intolerant government? Their confusion is why their condition of “Head I win, Tail You Lose” is not accepted by the Indian voters?
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