Hey folks! It’s Christmas! It’s the day of the coming our Lord Jesus Christ. There’s no better day than to move away from your pagan superstitions and embrace the rationalist approved secular miracles from the Vatican! For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son to die for our sins. For our Lord Jesus so loves our land that he keeps sending his angels: there was Blessed Mother Teresa who made cancer disappear, there is Blessed Mother $onia who made all our public money disappear.
This year, just a few days before Christmas, our prayers were finally answered and the Holy Father at the Vatican discovered this:
“Pope Francis has recognized a second miracle attributed to Mother Teresa, clearing the path for her elevation to sainthood next year. ….The second miracle involved the inexplicable healing of a Brazilian suffering from multiple brain tumors. … A report carried in Italian Catholic journal Avverine stated that a panel of experts convened by the Congregation for the Causes of the Saints three days ago attributed the Brazilian man’s healing to Mother Teresa.”
So, where had the first miracle happened? Well, Mother Teresa probably has a million miracles to her credit, but let us find out where the first recognized miracle was:
“The first miracle to be recognized was the healing of a tribal woman from Bengal’s South Dinajpur district who was suffering from abdominal tumor. Pope John Paul II had recognized the miracle in 2002.”
First in India, now in Brazil. The Blessed Mother Teresa appears to be acting in a strategic manner to enhance India’s diplomatic depth by spreading her mercy to countries within the BRICS bloc.
Honestly, we secular Indians are surrounded by miracles. The other day, I found out that trees cut down for Christmas automatically grow back the second they are chopped off, thus causing zero harm to the environment. Just compare to the damage caused to the planet by pagan festivals like Diwali and Holi. If this is not a miracle, what is? Even more than that, our vast army of environmentalists, feminists, rationalists who protect the idea of India have all become silent for a day to celebrate the coming of the baby Jesus. What bigger miracle can there be?
Ok, maybe I spoke too soon: here is Shri Deep Haldar, Asst. Executive Editor at Mail Today:
Well, what I meant was that there is no better day for environmentalists, feminists and rationalists to speak up and bash paganism than Christmas. They are imbued with the spirit of the Lord today. What else would Jesus do?
Here in this picture, you can see the Archbishop of Mumbai, like a loving shepherd, bringing some wayward sheep back into the fold. Oops…it’s the Archbishop of “Bombay”, not Mumbai: how dare the pagans change the name of a city that has been Christened “Bombay” by lovers of the Lord? There was once a heretic called Sanal Edamaruku who questioned the holy water at the Church in Bombay and God made him disappear from India. The rationalists didn’t even notice. Another miracle.
If it were up to me, I would break the Hindu male stranglehold and close all the hospitals in India and replace them with prayer centers to Mother Teresa.In fact, Mother Teresa always saw to it that her “homes for the dying” provided God’s merciful Christian death as the only form of healing and did not let the devil sneak in with medicines and all. Does closing all hospitals take away our choices? Not really. If a liberal feels like it, he/she can always travel abroad to get heretical medical treatment from the devil, no? In fact, our liberals like Sagarika Ghose often travel abroad to indulge sinful desires like eating endangered wild animals. But once they are back to our godly country, these sinful desires automatically disappear. So, don’t you worry about choices. All of us have a good Christian death to look forward to. Ok, what about the pagans then? What if they want medical treatment? Ha! Believe you me, if you dare to be a pagan, there is eternal suffering in a lake of fire in Hell already awaiting you after death…so small earthly stuff like cancer and tumors and all are the least of your problems!