Troll.in pulls off a masterpiece of “source based reporting”

By now, the adventures of a certain elite reporter and her source “Ankit from IIT” have become legendary in the hall of Mameluk fame. But they say records are meant to be broken. How fortunate we are to be alive to witness Troll.in produce an absolute beauty of source based reporting to achieve a standard no Ankit from IIT, no Ankit from MIT and no Ankit with a Nobel prize in Physics would have thought possible. Friends, I give you this article:

“BHU’s slide to the right: pro-RSS teachers get top billing, ABVP students get priority”

(http://scroll.in/article/803037/bhus-slide-towards-the-right-pro-rss-teachers-get-top-billing-abvp-students-get-priority)

Friends, I request you not to outrage over this. Please take a step back and admire the amazing work of Troll.in. Just because I cheer for India doesn’t mean I cannot appreciate the fantastic delivery from Glenn McGrath that got Sachin Tendulkar’s wicket for a duck at the Oval during World Cup 1999.

Let us read and unravel this work of art: it is authored by one Rizwana Tabassum and one “Khabar Lahariya”. I presume that the latter is not a real name, but if it is, I salute her/his parents on choosing a fitting name for a worthy child:

“On January 2, the Indian Institute of Technology affiliated to the Banaras Hindu University abruptly terminated the contract of visiting professor and Magsaysay award winner Dr Sandeep Pandey. His contract was to end in July. No particular reason was cited for his ouster.”

If it was up to me, I would have said that receiving the Magsasay Award should in itself be grounds for termination. But, then…

“Of the nine members on the board, only six were present. These included vice chancellor Girish Tripathi and three members of the Bharatiya Janata Party’s ideological parent, the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. When Pandey’s ouster on allegations of being anti-national and carrying out Naxal activities on campus was put to vote, two board members abstained. This means that only four members of the board’s nine voted to remove him.”

Out of Bihar’s adult population, 56.8% were present to vote. Out of those who showed up, 2.5% abstained by choosing NOTA and 16% voted for Nitish Kumar. This means that only 9 out of every 100 people in Bihar voted for him… Anyways, let us get to the exciting source based part:

“As the university starts a new cycle of admissions, Khabar Lahariya takes a look at what’s wrong.”

I’m eager. Let’s find out:

“In September 2015, the university’s Department of History hired for positions of assistant professor. Among those appointed were Ashok Kumar Sonkar and Satyapal Yadav, both former Banaras Hindu University students. According to an investigation by Khabar Lahariya, both Sonkar and Yadav’s doctoral theses are heavily plagiarised.”

But then the question arises: considering that the BHU faculty looked the other way when these “heavily plagiarized” doctoral theses were accepted, which political party are they likely to have received patronage from? Perhaps the one that was ruling the last 10 years? An investigation by Chaiwallah using a source called Google revealed that Ashok Sonkar already had a PhD in 2012

igntu.nic.in/PAOPAIP_AIHC_12.pdf

and received funding for his research proposal from ICHR in 2009 (page 21):

http://ichr.ac.in/newsletter/newsletter_2009.pdf

Further, Dr. Ashok Sonkar was among just 25 people shortlisted by the ICHR on March 25, 2014 for a postdoctoral fellowship despite his “heavily plagiarized” doctoral thesis :

http://ichr.ac.in/Candidates%20Shortlisted%20for%20PDF%20Interview.pdf

Let’s move on:

“The appointment process in the history department is opaque too.”

Breaking News!

“According to sources, Professor Binda Paranjape was supposed to take over as the head of the history department last year.”

I give you a personal guarantee that this source wasn’t a parrot on the footpath…

“But she was overlooked to give the current head, Dr Aruna Sinha, her third term. Sources say that this could be due to Sinha’s proximity to the RSS.”

Dear Almighty sources, kindly also tell us how the current head managed to get her first two terms? By using whose proximity?

“A master’s student in the history department told Khabar Lahariya that Sinha has begun to regularly refer to the Sangh and its work on Hindutva in her lectures.”

So, what is wrong with historians talking about the Sangh? Dear master source, kindly also tell us when you noticed that she “began” to refer to the Sangh in her lectures. Outside FTII, master courses are 2 years long. If you are still a masters student, the earliest your course could have begun is mid 2014, which is AFTER Modi’s victory. Unless…you know…there was a capitalist conspiracy by fascist Hindu Zionists to keep you failing year after year…

“Many irregularities have cropped up even in the admissions process….”

I will now continue relating the rest of what the Almighty Sources told “Khabar Lahariya” about BHU campus. Along with that, I will also insert bits of news about my neighborhood. These latter bits are brought to you by Chaiwallah’s source, his dear friend Sabjiwallah who listened in on two women who came to buy veggies from his cart…

“Sources reveal that members of Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad, the right-wing student body affiliated to the BJP, have benefited over other students in the admissions process.”

Sources also reveal that these days something is going on between Aman and Savita bhabhi’s younger daughter Anjali. Sources reveal that one evening Aman dropped off Anjali on his bike. And that Savita bhabhi’s husband has bought a new car. How do they have so much money? Maybe they are close to RSS.

“Students who topped the entrance exam were pushed lower down the rankings to make way for ABVP students.”

In other news, Savita bhabhi is so embarassed by Aman and Anjali’s affair that she might opt to get the two of them married even before she finds a match for her elder daughter Ankita..

“For instance, a student ranked number three was pushed down to 30 for an ABVP student who failed the exam….”

One time, Aman and Anjali got so shameless that Anjali brought Aman home when her parents were away…

“The university’s Brocha sports field appears to have become a regular hunting ground for new recruits and converts for the RSS…”

The park full of trees near the lake appears to have become a regular haunt for shameless young couples…

“Just two weeks ago, on the occasion of Swami Vivekananda’s birthday (another Hindu icon appropriated by the right-wing), the ground reverberated with cries of Jai Shri Ram….”

Just two weeks ago, on the occasion of Valentine’s Day, the park was full of couples making out in the bushes…

“Witnesses said that faculty members are regular visitors to the Sangh’s meetings held in the grounds…..”

Witnesses say that grown ups have also joined in the shamelessness. Witnesses say that Monu’s dad was in the same park with a girl the other day.

“But the more worrying trend is that the number of university students at these meetings has rapidly increased in the last year…”

The more worrying trend is that the number of couples in this park has also rapidly increased in the last year. Log kya kahenge?