Dear Sandipan Sharma, let me give you 40 minutes of my life for free

It seems Firstpost’s Sandipan Sharma recently performed a few hours of service for the idea of India watching a crappy Karan Johar movie. His rate, it seems, is just Rs. 390. Dear eNREGA authorities at Congress HQ, please take note. You might be overpaying.

Umm…why?

“Somebody had to do the same to the bullies who want films banned and boycotted, divide art in the name of country and religion. … I and my Rs 390 volunteered.”

(http://www.firstpost.com/bollywood/watching-ae-dil-hai-mushkil-first-day-first-show-indian-patriots-owe-me-390-bucks-3078132.html)

Look man Sandipan, first Karan Johar conned you into thinking that he produces “art” and then you ended up buying your own propaganda of “intolerance” and lost Rs 390 in the process. You got scammed man and that too by your own…and I feel for you. Add it to the list of secular scams.  I told you that I feel for you. I see you everyday banging away an article or two in Firstpost, making a few bucks here and there shilling for the secular establishment. It sucks that they would so cruelly scam you and sell you some Karan Johar sh*t for Rs 390. You gotta love Karan Johar, he couldn’t make a decent movie, but he sure knew how to get suckers like you to buy tickets. Let this be a teachable moment for your Sandipan, never ever buy your own propaganda.

See how funny this is, Sandipan? YOUR bosses scammed YOU and you are mad at us, not them. And you even sound triumphant:

“Indian keyboard warriors have an interesting history of fatwas. In the past, they have threatened to not watch many of Salman Khan’s films, outraged against Aamir Khan’s PK, not shop at Snapdeal and boycott Chinese products, an act of patriotism typed out on handsets made in China.

The Ayatollahs of India may want to ponder this: Their fatwas have invariably had the opposite effect. Salman’s films routinely gross more than Rs 200-crore, PK is among India’s highest grossers, Snapdeal’s bargains attract thousands of consumers”

Hmmm…you seem pleased with yourself. FYI, you JUST got scammed by these guys and you are celebrating their success. How funny is that?

Anyway, coming to the “fatwas”. At this juncture, would it be rude to point the fate of liberal fatwas in this country? I don’t know if you have noticed, but the man who was the target of a liberal fatwa won 170 million votes and the biggest parliamentary majority in 3 decades… Ever since the man with a liberal fatwa on his head was declared the face of the BJP, it has gone on to win 8 state elections, installed 7 Chief Ministers and got its own majority in the Lok Sabha. Let me remind you: 73/80, 42/48, 26/26, 25/25, 10/11, 7/7, 5/5, 4/4, 9/10, 12/14, 31/4o, 27/29 …these are just some of the scores notched up by the man with the liberal fatwa on his head. Wonder whose fatwas are having the opposite effect, no?

LOL!

And who are you calling “keyboard warrior”, Mr. Sharma? From what I can see, you are little more than a “keyboard journalist” yourself. The people you call “keyboard warriors” are actually well settled in other professions and devote a few minutes each day as amateurs dabbling in your line of work. For free. YOU, on the other hand are employed full time in countering them! Those “keyboard warriors” are so good at their part time hobby that your entire full time professional life is not enough to beat them!

“And so it was at a multiplex where I saw Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. I went there on an early-winter Friday morning half-expecting a group of slogan-shouters dissuading people….But, the only crowd of slogan-shouters visible was that of youngsters chanting: Bhaiyya, peeche ki seat, corner. Maybe, convinced by the prowess of our social media patriots, they too were expecting an empty theatre. But, most went back home disappointed….But, at the moment, pseudo-nationalism is getting bludgeoned by the Indian viewer”

See? You were so scared of the prowess of keyboard warriors that you spent your own money and time trying to make sure they didn’t win. You know how I treat YOUR liberal fatwas? I am not even gonna go check if people right now are violating the liberal fatwa against crackers and fireworks on Diwali. I am THAT confident of the Indian masses bludgeoning your liberal fatwa 🙂 I know that PK was a big hit that one time in 2014, but Diwali you know has been a hit for hundreds of years and counting… Go, go out of your house right now and take a look outside and see what the public has done to your fatwa against celebrating Diwali 🙂 Let’s see who’s getting “bludgeoned”. I don’t need to check. Unfortunately I am not even in India this year for Diwali. But I can close my eyes and tell you confidently that Diwali has been a rocking success. And I can bet it’s gonna get rave reviews. What do you think, Sandipan? Has Diwali been a little bit of a bigger success than PK 🙂 ?

“The film’s successful release would hopefully remind India’s fatwa brigade that in a democracy, it is best to leave everyone to decide what they want…”

Really? You want to cause yourself more pain right now Sandipan by talking about what people want in India’s democracy? Didn’t you hear what they want? Really man, you want to gloat over Snapdeal getting “thousands of customers” when somebody defied the liberal fatwa and got 170 million votes?

“if you love the Army, go and join it, fill up the vacancies that have existed for years, instead of firing from your keyboards…”

And if you love journalism, go join it. Let’s see if you have the courage to be like Jagendra Singh who fearlessly kept reporting on the land scam of a Samajwadi Party minister until SP goons actually burned him alive for it. Instead of firing at the powerful from your keyboard.

“In case they don’t, Dangal is coming.”

And in case you don’t love journalism, UP elections are coming. Full time keyboard propagandists will be needed to create another “intolerance debate”. You can’t let the part time keyboard warriors on the right win, can you?

Finally, let me tell you why I am giving away 40 minutes of my life to your for free, Sandipan. See, I can easily afford to pay the Rs 390 that a keyboard propagandist like you charges. But believe me, they don’t pay you nearly enough for you to buy me out of my hobby. Thanks.

Happy Diwali.