Want something to make your Friday more fun? Well, folks, JNU is having an election 🙂 And as well know, JNU is the most important place in the entire country. A few weeks ago, we all had to go through the experience of how Ganga dhaba, the intellectual nerve center of JNU (never the classrooms/libraries/labs but the dhaba) is about to close down. It gives you an inkling of how important JNU is. So, now that JNU is having an election, please enjoy this long and hilarious article in DailyO by some Commie student about what may or may not happen at this all important event.
Let’s begin from the beginning:
“A spectre is haunting JNU — the spectre of Hindutva fascism.”
Already we are having fun. I have news for you my Communist friend. That “spectre” has already taken over the Central government. And as many as 11 state capitals 🙂 The Republic of JNU has long been a target. It’s your turn now.
“All the powers of social democracy on campus were supposed to enter into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre, but the internecine ideological battles within the Left…..has resulted in a fractured field that leaves open the prospect of victory in the September 9 JNUSU elections for the Sangh-affiliated Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad (ABVP).”
So true 🙂 See, this is where thieves have an inbuilt advantage over terrorists. Thieves will focus on the loot and so they are open to fully cooperating with other thieves in order to maximize the plunder! This is why the “holy” Mahagathbandhan of RJD/JDU/Cong took off so well in Bihar. But terrorists, by their nature, cannot make even the smallest compromises and end up becoming a “fractured field”.
By the way, I am loving the religious imagery of spectre – exorcism – holy alliance that you are using. Atheists after all…
“The thing is, they don’t need a majority to win union posts, thanks to the multi-party first-past-the-post nature of the election. Turnout tends to be around 50 per cent, and it only takes a small plurality to win”
Get ready folks. Now we will be exposed to some hard hitting analysis of vote shares from the body of JNU students…ROFL!
“ last year, Kanhaiya Kumar won the presidency with 1,029 votes, about an eighth of the electorate.”
What? 1/8th of the electorate? With ~50% turnout, that’s just a 25% vote share or so! OMG! That’s even less than the legendary 31% secured by the demon of Hindutva! And yet the presidency of JNU is being handed over to someone who got 25%! How can the fate of so much be decided by so few in such an important election? Have the intellectuals at Ganga Dhaba thought about this?
Now, we will have a true laugh riot : let Mr. Commie explain this sequence of events:
“Ever since the university increased the number of overall places offered in order to compensate for OBC reservations... ”
Ok…so what was the impact of government intervention to help out the socially weak?
“there has been a chronic shortage of hostels…”
Noooooo! You don’t say. Socialism leading to chronic shortages…come on. When has that ever happened?
“There are plans to build new hostels, but construction has not begun due to environmental clearances not getting through….”
Ah the delicious irony 🙂 A shortage is created by socialist policy and now the leftie environmental mafia stands in the way of finding a solution 🙂 🙂
“pressure hasn’t been sustained on the issue; the relative inaction, many students allege, is because all parties benefit from a patronage system, offering new admissions the chance to stay in their hostel rooms as “third roommates” in exchange for their support in the election...”
And now that we have this shortage created and sustained by socialist policies on quotas and environment, the powers are actually happy to continue this shortage so that they can hand out the basics rights of the students as “favors” in return for “votes”. Now who could have seen this coming?
You know, Mr. Commie student, has it ever crossed your mind that socialism might be a bad idea.
And folks, behold how surely socialism fails : every single time in every experiment, small or big. Be it market shelves in the Soviet Union or hostel rooms at JNU, socialism causes crisis and shortage every single time. Socialism never fails to fail 🙂
So, what are all the other horrible things that the Hindu fascists at JNU have done this time?
“Top of the list is a “women-friendly campus”, a reference to the Anmol Ratan rape case….The party was quick to take the initiative on politicising the incident”
OMG! They politicized it! As opposed to the time when a theft of Rs 8000 from a missionary school in Delhi was left unpoliticized by the Left 🙂 What exactly did they do?
“holding protests and painting it as symptomatic of a rape culture that pervades the Left”
As opposed to painting the rape as symptomatic of the rape culture that pervades the Hindu society that Anmol Ratan was undoubtedly raised in. You can’t paint the wrong people with the same brush, there are only some designated groups that can be painted that way.
“One recent ABVP pamphlet features a 2008 Daily Mail article about “Stalin’s army of rapists”, an account of mass rapes perpetrated by Red Army soldiers during their advance to Berlin at the end of World War II. (It’s interesting that accusing our own soldiers of rape is inconceivable to them.)..”
I wont get angry at this. I am actually amused at the angle of the “whataboutism”. Generally speaking, “whataboutism” is a tactic employed as a means to make an excuse for bad behavior for your own side by pointing to similar behavior on the side of your adversary. So, when ABVP fires a salvo at Stalin’s rapist armies, the lefties are quick to jump right in the front of that “udta teer” (stray arrow) and take it right on their chest. Thanks for taking ownership of your side, my Commie friend. Thanks for owning up to Stalin being on YOUR side as opposed to the Indian Army being on MY side. I’ll gladly take this arrangement. You picked Stalin, I’m picking the Indian Army.
“In this case, the incident is simply a stick with which to beat the Left”
For sure! For sure! Why couldn’t they stop beating the left? Surely there is some church somewhere in a BJP ruled state in which some guy has thrown a stone today. Why are they not focusing on that?
“It’s hard to find fault with the official response by the AISA”
The “official response”. In other words, the so called “party line”. When has a Commie ever found fault with that?
“It’s not just the ABVP who have attacked the AISA over the incident…The DSF’s machinations are a part of its attempts to emerge as an alternative to the fading “official” Left parties.”
The DSF’s “machinations”? Oh, of course. Everyone knows that the Commie in the other trench with a slightly different shade of red on his helmet has struck a deal with the Jews to betray the revolution of peasants and workers 🙂 How do we tackle this, Comrade? Do we take the Pinarayi Vijayan line or the Che Guevara line?
Mr. Commie signs off with a chilling reference:
” the Left political establishment at JNU is seeing a long overdue cleaning of its Augean Stables, whilst it faces an ascendant Right. It’s a process that improves the discourse and nature of the Left in the long run, but the short-term loss of power can be disastrous.
What serves nobody, however, is to resist the cleaning of the stables in the name of unity.“
Get ready folks. The Left at JNU is planning a “cleaning”. Everyone knows what happens when Commies decide to go for some “cleaning”. And I can assure you that there will be absolutely nothing wrong with the “official response” of the Commies to what is going to happen next.
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